Your Stories - Emotions and Psoriasis

Stress has an adverse affect - Mario, UK

It was October last year since I posted my first message. Since then my treatment pattern has changed. As my skin condition has improved slightly, I no longer attend day clinic. Instead, I have a regular three-monthly check-up at the clinic to review my medication. I have recently been prescribed Dovobet ointment. This is applied once in the morning.Then in the evening I apply Dovonex ointment. I also use Diprobase cream randomly and Diprosalic scalp application. I suffer from stress and I believe that this has an adverse affect. For the last two months I have been receiving a weekly neck and shoulder massage privately (not prescribed). This relieves the stress and hopefully will help relieve one of the foundations that cause psoriasis. I have added this report in the hope that it might help others in their endeavours. (March 2009) Contact Mario

My Fiance has supported me - Lauren, Philadelphia, USA

When I was about 12 years old I started to develop small patches of psoriasis on my elbows. Up until last year my experience with this affliction was contained to small outbreaks on my elbows, mainly in the winter time, which was no big deal. Last year, however, I flared up all over my body, approximately 60% to be exact. Not to sound dramatic but my life seriously has gone downhill since then. I have always had a lot of self confidence and have also been a very big people person. Now though, people often look at me as though I am going to infect them with some wretched disease and somehow fail to understand the term "not contagious". Honestly though, I have explained Psoriasis to people so many times that now I am plain fed up with it. I've tried many different skin meds for my Psoriasis (i.e Dovones, Olux, Elidel, Etc.) and the only thing that has worked thus far is Protopic, which was prescribed for my face. My dermatologist has recommended Methotrexate but after alot of research I decided that the risks involved with the drug were too high for Psoriasis, as Methotrexate was originally introduced as a concer medication. In a way I feel like it is one of those things that a person has to have to really understand. My professors sometimes look at me like I'm lazy when I try to explain to them that some days in the colder months my lesions bleed so bad that I am physically unable to go to class, that is unless they want me to bleed all over their lecture hall and cause a silent panic for other students. My friends and family have been great about the whole thing and try to keep light attitudes about the situation so they decided to nickname me Dot (after all of the "dots" of red scaly spots). It kind of hurt at first but I know that they are truly just trying to make me laugh at something that has, at certain points, drug me down. My biggest supporter, however, is my fiancé who was there when my skin first started to really flare up. From my own experience with men I know that a good majority of them would run the other way if their girlfriend out of no where developed these hideous lesions everywhere. But in reality, this has shown me what people are really worth my time and what ones aren't. To me, if someone is put off by my condition after I explain it to them than so be it, they aren't really people who I would want in my life anyway. My fiancé said something to me that I will never forget though, something that I think of when I get really depressed about it. He said, "Laur, I would never let some scales make me leave the person I know I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. What would that say about the man that I am? Don't let this define the way you live your life, you've always been beautiful to me and always will be, no matter how much better or worse it gets." I don't know, maybe it's sappy to some people, but to me, just knowing that there are those individuals who look past the surface of things makes me smile on those dark days. I know that some part of me will always be self conscious about what I wear and how I present myself but I guess I am OK with it now because it's just another part of who I am. Let's just hope it doesn't show up too badly in my wedding photos.
(October 2007) Contact Lauren

People who stop and stare - Stephen, Cardigan, Wales

Real friends won't abandon you. That's what I've come to learn. It's been about 2 years now since my psoriasis began. As you can imagine, I was about 16 and it was extremely confusing. People pointed and stared. It didn't feel good. (But recently I've come to realise, real friends won't abandon you. I know it's tough living with this, and I know alot of you have it worse than me - I have about 30-40% covering).

Altogether I have Nail and Plague Psoriasis. The worst areas are my Stomach, Chest, Scalp and Ears. But as time goes on I have faith that I will get better. Its hard being an 18 year old, with a future prospect of constantly having this. I have a loving Girlfriend who helps me ALOT and actually found this website for me. Alot of you might think you are ugly and no-one would ever like you, that's a fear I've had myself. And it feels no matter what anyone tells you ... It'll never get better. What I've learnt is that my attitude affected my Psoriasis. When I feel confident it recedes alot, which makes going out in a T-shirt alot easier. We are sufferers, and therefore have alot more mettle than the people who know nothing on how we feel. They aren't staring at your condition. They are admiring us for being survivors! Surviving something not just physical, but mental too.

So next time some Person stares, remember... we are the strong ones!

I'm feeling lower at the moment than normal. And it does really suck :( My arms used to ABSOLUTELY PLASTERED in psoriasis, but since going out in the sun, one day, and going into the sea, it has got so much better! I told my friends about my psoriasis before I went to the beach with them in a T-shirt, and they said that it's not as bad as it looks. I think having this makes us see ourselves as monsters, when really... we are just different. We differ in physical appearance just like anyone else. Flaking can be a problem for me, but I find that wearing slightly lighter clothing helps (Hard for me seeing as I'm a near goth LOL) but my denim jacket never lets me down there.

I hope I've helped a few of you, and that the next time some random person stares, you remember. We are the powerful ones! They are admiring us! (August 2007) Contact Stephen


The emotional effects of living with Psoriasis - Jessica, Grafton, USA

I was first affected by psoriasis when I was about 14. It started with rough "ugly" elbows. When I got red sores on my knees my mother took me to a dermatologist. He prescribed 3 or 4 different ointments and creams and a shampoo. None of them worked. I am now 22 and have no psoriasis on my scalp, (I use Nizoral shampoo everyday, you can find it anywhere shampoo is sold) but still have it badly on other parts of my body. I have about 50 different sized lesions on my legs and ankles and both knees are completely hidden by solid lesions. My elbows are also completely solid with psoriasis. I sometimes get a lesion or two in my eyebrows and almost always have at least 3 on either one of my hands and or wrists. This has me wearing long sleeves, long enough to cover my hands, and pants year round. During the winter, this apparel is not questioned, but when it's 100 degrees outside and I'm completely covered, people ask questions. I often say, well, I work in air conditioning and I get cold. Or that I'm dieting and the more clothes I wear, the more I sweat. I've told many lies to many people who have spotted a lesion on my hand or wrist when I wasn't careful to keep it hidden. I once wore and Ace Bandage around my hand and wrist for 3 weeks to cover a bad outbreak. I told everyone that asked that I sprained my hand and wrist doing a cartwheel. I am currently in a relationship with a great guy, but he doesn't know about my psoriasis. I fear that he wouldn't be able to deal with the appearance and find some reason or another to leave me. It's hard to keep it a secret from someone you love. He wonders why I refuse to make love with the lights on, or even with a candle lit. He gets frustrated when I stop him from caressing me. It bugs him that I change in the bathroom, or wait until he's out of the room to change. I live in fear that he will see my psoriasis and be disgusted by my appearance. I also fear that he is going to become so frustrated with my inability to "open up" and leave me for that reason. I can't explain how emotionally painful it is to have psoriasis, you only understand if you have it. As much as I hate to admit this, I often wonder if my condition will lead to my suicide. I'm not always depressed, but when I get bad lesions on my hands, eyebrows, and ears, and have a hard time hiding it, I avoid work, friends, family, and the public. I pretty much sit at home and think "this is forever...... there is no cure" maybe it would just be better to end my life than live with it another day, month, or summer. I've never been suicidal or had thoughts of it until the past few months. Being in love, and having someone love me, makes it worse that I can't be the "beautiful" woman he thinks I am. There's no trips to the beach, no plans of vacationing in exotic places, no sporting sexy lingerie for him. I generally dull the emotional pain with alcohol. But like always, sobriety finds me and I'm usually worse off than before. I probably won't kill myself, but the idea crosses my mind quite often. I know I'm not the only person who feels like this, but when you're the only person you know with psoriasis, you feel like a leper, an outcast ... I look at people who don't have psoriasis, wearing their tank tops and short shorts, and almost hate them because they don't have to deal with it. I make deals with God all the time to just cure me ... I'm losing faith on that one.... I've decided that I will never get married because I know that I will never be able to be seen in anything that doesn't cover me completely. I've also decided I will never have kids. It's bad enough to have this disease myself, let alone give it to my child and have them have to live with it. I've come to terms that if I die old, I will be alone. Psoriasis has had I think, the worst effect on me it possibly could, and I hate myself for having it.
(August 2007) Contact Jessica

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